your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize