By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there's paper in my vomit.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
