Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I faked an abortion last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
