nut hugger
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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