You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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