Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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