its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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