Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Your cock deserves a montage
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
