We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
