put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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