I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
