allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
