playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
