The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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