Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
