Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
