I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
