we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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