if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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