R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently you make a good broom.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i love accidental penises.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
