So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
