Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
