I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
