Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
