Where is the hickey?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
