I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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