I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
