i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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