Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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