4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
