i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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