Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
