Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
