Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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