I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
