threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
