The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
