32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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