am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
