Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
