I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize