He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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