so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
