I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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