Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ttyl tear gas
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
