Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
