Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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