Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
