I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
