So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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