I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
