there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
