I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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