I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
