after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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