he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
