You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
