Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
