The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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