Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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