He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
