So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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