I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
