His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
