oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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