Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
And then he peed in my hair
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